Weird clicking and alarm craziness

[chimpman]

So I go to start the old girl this morning, peculiar noise from the dash, repeated clicking from somewhere not a sniff of the engine turning. Tried again and the airbag light flickered. I did notice that the doors only unlocked with a bit of a groan and the alarm sounded when I unlocked the door. Now the battery is only a couple of years old, a Halfrauds number but one of their premium ones and with more than the OEM for Ah and cranking amps. Was all set to ring the RAC but wasn't looking forward to it as I doubt they would spend much time trying to sort a particular immobiliser problem (that was my theory anyway since the engine wouldn't even attempt to crank). I checked the voltage anyway - NINE BASTARD VOLTS!. Not happy with that but at least it isn't anything expensive, got it on charge, hopefully that will fix things. To everyone, well worth getting a cheap multimeter, mine cost £10 from B&Q. Perfectly adequate for odd jobs in the home and car.

BY THE WAY, I'M SELLING IN THE SUMMEER. Facelift 2005, 38000miles, hardtop, TTE exhaust, Style hoop thingy. A few paint defects but no dings or rust. I'll let you know.....